So I have procrastinated writing what is really on my heart lately because I don’t even understand what is going on in my mind and my heart! My favorite verse the past few weeks has been Psalm 147:5 (MSG) “Our Lord is great, with limitless strength; we’ll never comprehend what He knows and does.” These past two months I have been in Peru I can honestly say I don’t understand what is going on but that I am trying everyday to trust God knows and that I don’t need to comprehend the situation but to only trust in His greatness and strength.
So let me give you a short version on what has gone on….out of six positions available in Tacna (the city I’m headed to after training to plant churches) only two of them are filled. We have had three people back out and head home or decide not to come. So we haven’t even started the church planting process and have already lost more than half of our team. This is very sad for all of us as that means we have less forces working with us in Tacna to reap the harvest for God’s Kingdom. I also am very sad about this in a very selfish manner as I am much younger than everyone else on my team. I came into this expecting to be with a bunch of people my age and now I am half the age of the North American’s on my team by 24 years. Ahhhh, expectations. Katie Hooks teaches in New Orleans to throw expectations out the window and boy was she right!
So I have been reading in 1 Samuel and I feel connected with David after he kills Goliath. David trusts in God and through his willingness to be used, he is able to kill Goliath. That’s really all of the story we ever learn in Sunday School. But what comes next I feel is the real trial. Saul is jealous and wants to kill David. God rescues David from Saul once and then Saul comes at him again. So David must flee. Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT leaving Peru! But I feel as though I connect with David in that I thought coming to Peru and putting my faith in action by actually moving here (my Goliath) was going to be the biggest and hardest thing. Yes, I had to trust God to come down here but now I am facing the real test of faith. Now I have the devil coming at me with all these changes in my expectations and I got over one change, trusting in God to work everything out and being okay with my new circumstance. Then I experience another change, then another, then another. I feel like David, God rescues me from one situation only to face another right after. This is how life works, but I guess I didn’t expect to be going through so much in such a short period of time.
So, anyway, my cluster mom, Tricia, called me last night and said she had read a verse yesterday morning in Psalm 31. Psalm 31:15a – My times are in your hands. Or in The Message it says, “Hour by hour I place my days in your hand.” So I decided to read all of Psalm 31 to see what I could glean from this chapter. And what do I find, it’s a Psalm of David! Ha! I love it how God puts everything together! So in this Psalm, David first is asking for God to rescue him, probably from Saul the first time. Then God sends help and rescues him. Then David prays for help again and God sends help again! So the whole chapter is on exactly what I have been feeling connected with in David’s life. Facing one trauma right after another and God keeps sending help and comfort.
And as I found out yesterday who my Peruvian partner is and she is not what I had expected or been praying for…..I know that my expectations are out the window and I am crying to God, “I’ve put my life in your hands. You won’t drop me, you’ll never let me down.” (Psalm 31:5 MSG) “Desperate, I throw myself on you; you are my God! Hour by hour I place my days in your hands.” (Psalm 31:14-15a MSG) God will take care of me and I just need to keep trusting He knows the best path and He is good and faithful to His servants. Therefore, no more expectations!